Conversations with God
All my paintings serve a purpose, including the two series "The Power of Life" and "Conversations with God". If "Time-Space Children" explores my relationship with my inner child and space-time, and "Schrödinger's Cat" delves into existence within three-dimensional space, then "The Power of Life" and "Conversations with God" are investigations into my relationship with God.
I have provided a rough overview of my relationship with God in "Healing Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder with Photoshop"(introduction) and "Time-Space Children". What I want to talk about here is my most authentic relationship with God. In my actual life, my God is a living, real presence. He is neither formal nor religious in the traditional sense. He is the guide on my life's journey, my teacher, and the God who can truly sweep the floor for me.
Before May 30, 2016, the God I believed in probably didn't differ much from the God that most Christians believe in. I remember a joke where a mother asks her son to sweep the floor, and the son replies, "You say God is omnipotent, then let the omnipotent God sweep the floor for you." I thought this joke made a lot of sense because I also believed that God would not sweep the floor for people. This phrase became my mantra in understanding God, so two weeks before May 30, 2016, I used this phrase in a lengthy conversation with a Christian relative about my understanding of God over the past 20 years. However, a new chapter in my life opened on May 30, 2016. This was a sunny day in the rainy season. The sun was shining brightly, but due to continuous rain, everything was damp. The hourly worker who came to clean my house still arrived on time at 9 a.m. She was a cleaner from the property management company of my residential complex and also worked part-time in my house, cleaning for one hour every two days. She knew that a tree had grown on the external balcony of my house. She told me that this tree was probably growing on top of the drain, because the day before yesterday, a neighbor in the community whose apartment layout was identical to mine had a tree blocking the drain on their external balcony, causing water to flow down to the apartment below and ruining the wooden floor of the downstairs neighbor. Upon hearing this, I immediately took a mirror, stretched my hand outside the anti-theft net to check the place where the tree was growing on the external balcony. Through observation, I found that it was indeed growing on the drainpipe. I asked the cleaner to immediately pull out the tree for me. Because the external balcony was isolated from my house by the anti-theft net, it was inaccessible for cleaning. Over the past decade or so, there had been a buildup of silt around the drainpipe, about five to six centimeters high. Although this external balcony was not within the property area of my house, I was still worried that the thick silt around the drain would be washed into the drain by heavy rain, resulting in the same situation where the downstairs neighbor's floor was soaked. I called the property management company, asking them to help solve this problem. The staff sent by the property management came to my external balcony, looked at it, and said that he couldn't solve the problem because he couldn't get into the balcony. By this time, the hourly cleaner had already left my house. I thought about whether I could try to use a dustpan and broom to scoop some silt out through the iron fence. I went back to the kitchen to get the tools, but when I returned to the balcony, I saw that the silt around the drainpipe on the external balcony had disappeared. Moreover, the two stone bricks originally on the right side of the balcony had been moved to the left side against the wall and stood up (the picture below shows the marks left after the bricks were moved, which I took a long time later). But at that time, I didn't believe at all that this was a miracle. Instead, I thought there was something wrong with my brain, because in my mindset, it was utterly impossible for something that thoroughly contradicted the common sense of three-dimensional space to exist. It must be an illusion or a mistake in my memory. So, I patiently waited until June 1, 2016. When the hourly cleaner came to my house again, I asked her to carefully examine everything that happened on the external balcony. She also believed that someone indeed entered the external balcony, cleared the silt, and moved the stones. Yet even so, I still refused to acknowledge it as a miracle. I even made a special trip to the property management office to inquire. The property manager who had taken my call on May 30 and the plumber who came to my house were both sitting in the office. As soon as I walked through the door of the office, before I had a chance to ask, the plumber said, "We couldn't handle the issue with your balcony because we can't get in." It was at this moment that I fully realized that this was an undeniable miracle, a response from God to my view that God would not sweep the floor for people. At that moment, my God became a God who sweeps the floor.
But the miracles didn't end there. Around 8 p.m. on August 8, 2018, while I was talking with a friend about the miracles of God helping to sweep and setting up stones as a mark, the small bookshelf on the left side of my computer desk started to sway back and forth. I said to my friend, "There's another earthquake." Because minor tremors are common where we live, and every time there is a strong shake, there would be immediate reports of earthquakes in the vicinity. However, the strange thing was that while I saw the bookshelf swaying severely, I didn't feel any shaking at that moment. I explained to myself that it was because I was standing, so I didn't feel it. But at the same time, I was also puzzled as to why it seemed that the computer desk next to it didn't shake. Because of this question, I immediately checked the news but didn't see any earthquake reports. It wasn't until the next day, after checking the news again and not seeing any reports of earthquakes anywhere in the vicinity, that I realized this was God communicating with me. Later, because I needed to set up two computers, I gave the small bookshelf away. And because I never thought I would write this article, I didn't take a picture of the small bookshelf where the miracle occurred as a keepsake.
Another strange event, which likely occurred in 2011, involved thousands of bees flying to the exact center of my home's balcony and forming a pattern resembling a cross, as shown in the picture.
The specific date of this strange event wasn't documented by me, but it was reported in the newspaper of my city. The sudden appearance of so many bees at my home that day terrified me. I've had a horrifying experience of being stung by a venomous bee before, and I couldn't determine the type of these bees, so I was making phone calls everywhere for help, but all were rejected. In the end, I sought help from the local media. They helped me get in touch with a beekeeper. I later learned from a reporter at the newspaper that it's common in our city for wasps to build nests on residents' balconies, but this was the first time bees had gathered in the shape of a cross. Moreover, the beekeeper said he'd often seen bees gather in a spherical shape but almost never in the shape of a cross. Regarding this strange event, I had my doubts. Was it the work of God? I was also not very pleased with it. Firstly, I was scared half to death by that swarm of bees that day. Secondly, the cross shape was more like the cross of Catholicism, and I don't consider myself a Catholic. Thirdly, if this was a special sign from God for me, I wouldn't be pleased either, because I just want to be an obscure believer. I have no wish to become someone like a saint.
The miraculous events mentioned above are all external happenings. What really amazed me is God's direct guidance on certain concepts. A decade or so ago, when I was at the lowest ebb of my life, repeatedly frustrated in my career, I was desperately seeking evidence of God's real existence. I spent a lot of time every day attending various family gatherings, reading a large number of spiritual books, and praying for extended periods. During that time, every day at noon when I took a nap, I was clearly being explained the Bible by a "person". However, I would forget everything as soon as I woke up. One day, a phrase suddenly popped into my head: "The Book of Romans is the crux of the Bible, and this sentence in Romans is the Mount Everest of the Bible." When this sentence popped up, I was very surprised because I forgot the sentence referred to as the Mount Everest of the whole Bible. Initially, I thought I might have heard this sentence in some meeting. I asked a friend who always attended the gatherings with me, and she confirmed that no preacher at the meetings she had attended had said this. I also very carefully recalled all the content of all the gatherings I had participated in, and it was indeed not something told by anyone. At the same time, I was sure it wasn't a quote from any book I had read. Therefore, I believed that this sentence was directly put into my head by God. So, I picked up the Bible and read the Book of Romans word by word, sentence by sentence. Although I had read the whole Bible once, I knew nothing about the specific content of the Book of Romans. I was more familiar with the four Gospels, and I wasn't very familiar with the specific content of other chapters. I also didn't want to delve into other chapters because, in my opinion, the translation I learned may have been done too early, and many sentences did not conform to the grammar I had learned. The wording was unclear and the logic was also chaotic. I tried to recall the forgotten important sentence by reading Romans, but it was unsuccessful. To this day, I don't understand why God would give me an incomplete sentence. Another time, when I was passing by a car wash, a sentence suddenly popped up very clearly in my mind: "Control and deceit are Satan's main characteristics." I instantly understood that this was God allowing me to accurately judge the forces behind things in the three-dimensional space. Because kindness requires ability, a person without the ability to discern good and evil cannot do good.
In summary, my God is not a fictitious concept defined by doctrine, but an entity that created the world and everything in it, existing entirely in my life. He leads me and often interacts with me through various things in the three-dimensional space. Facing such an omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent God, my thoughts often transcend time and space. I have a strong concept of spatio-temporal continuity, and I often ponder the meanings of the words "eternity" and "everlasting life". There have been times when I was terrified of the possible byproduct of "everlasting life", namely "boredom", so I prayed to God to allow me at some point to truly "vanish into thin air", even my soul disappearing. I also expressed my sympathy to God's eternity, which seems to me, a finite being, a disaster. I do not fear that God will punish me for such "blasphemous" thoughts, because these thoughts are naturally generated, and God is omniscient. Any attempt to hide one's thoughts is not only futile, but also the greatest blasphemy against God. Knowing God's omniscience, I read the Bible with the knowledge and understanding God has given me, feeling the messages the Bible conveys to me, without being constrained by the doctrine taught by the church. For instance, I wrote in my diary on May 22, 2017, "Before Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the tree of wisdom, God and man were one. At that time, man did not exist independently. When humans are united with God, there is no opposition. God is the sum of all good things, and there is only one path for humans to walk, which is to return to God and reunite with Him. Specifically, it means to actively give up self-assertion, seek God's will in everything, and follow God's guidance. The higher the degree of alignment between human self-consciousness and God's will, the less the impact of negative things on humans, and the degree of reconciliation between man and God is the degree of disaster elimination for humans. But the question is how to understand God's will. I think as long as the subjective consciousness of humans sincerely desires to submit to God and return to God, God will lead us. Through the breath God gives us, we are exchanging matter with the world every moment, and God will let us understand his will through all things in the space of our lives. Jesus is our model, who overcame the entire world by obeying God's will. I am very grateful to God for this revelation, because I have always been puzzled as to why a loving God would fill the world where I live with suffering, but yesterday I finally understood it completely."
It is well known that the doctrine of Christianity opposes animism, yet I have had a different feeling when I read the following scriptures. For instance, Genesis 4:10-11 states: "The LORD said, 'What have you done? Listen! Your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground. Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand.'" According to this scripture, the lifeless blood speaks to God, communicates with Him, and the ground actively opens its mouth. Genesis 9:8-11 says: "Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him: 'I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you and with every living creature that was with you—the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you—every living creature on earth. I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be destroyed by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.'" This verse clearly tells us that God does not only make a covenant with us, but also with the birds, livestock, wild animals, and other living creatures that came out of the ark. This suggests that these animals, like humans, have the qualification to enter into a covenant with God. Psalm 19:1 states: "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." Though this scripture seems to be using metaphorical language to praise God, the message I received was that galaxies and the sky are actively declaring God's glory. I had the same feelings for the following three sections from Psalms: Psalm 22:27 states: "All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him." Psalm 148:3-4 says: "Praise him, sun and moon; praise him, all you shining stars. Praise him, you highest heavens and you waters above the skies." Psalm 148:7-12 reads: "Praise the LORD from the earth, you great sea creatures and all ocean depths, lightning and hail, snow and clouds, stormy winds that do his bidding, you mountains and all hills, fruit trees and all cedars, wild animals and all cattle, small creatures and flying birds, kings of the earth and all nations, you princes and all rulers on earth, young men and women, old men and children." After reading these scriptures, I felt a sense of animism. This has been the source of inspiration for my series of works based on the theme of "all things have a spirit." Through my art, I ask God whether my interpretation of the Bible is correct.
The doctrine of Christianity absolutely does not recognize reincarnation, yet my viewpoint was challenged when I read the following two scriptures: John 9:1-2 states: "As Jesus went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'" In this scripture, the disciples' question implies that the blind man is suffering from karma, as he was born blind, suggesting his punishment originates from his past life. Matthew 11:9-15 reads: "What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet. This is the one about whom it is written: 'I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way before you.' Truly I tell you, among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist; yet whoever is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he. From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been subjected to violence, and violent people have been raiding it. For all the Prophets and the Law prophesied until John. And if you are willing to accept it, he is the Elijah who was to come. Whoever has ears, let them hear." This scripture appears to tell us that John the Baptist is the reincarnation of Elijah. Because of my understanding of the above scriptures, I believe that the Bible does not exclude reincarnation.
I believe that to face God with "honesty and spirit," that is, our true thoughts and feelings, is the most basic life attitude for a genuine believer in God. We cannot conceal the elements of doubt in our minds to establish a hypocritical faith. Faith is the highest form of existence of human wisdom and the only gift that humans can offer to God, so it must come from the heart completely. Because the foundation of faith is honesty, without this honest basis, faith becomes a worthless game of self-deception.
My understanding of honesty has given me the gifts of self-acceptance, self-recognition, and gratitude towards God. I love art, but I can only draw children's drawings. At the same time, I realize that I have an extraordinary perceptual ability towards objects and scenes in three-dimensional space. From this, I understand that God doesn't want me to paint myself; instead, he wants me to show another dimension of things through the materials he provides and the perceptual power he gives me - to perceive things multi-dimensionally. The culture and thinking mode people accept are an invisible but huge filter. It enables people to have different perceptions of the same thing and forms the basis of diversity, so I use filters extensively in my works. Much of the material I create is casually picked up in my life. Often when I go shopping, I return with hundreds of photos on my phone. I never know what surprise God will give me when I go to the pharmacy or take a walk by the lake. It could be wildflowers by the road, a large tree head just dug up by a gardener, a damaged wall next to a store, or even a drain or a small garbage pile. These ordinary or even dirty things are beautiful images shielded by layers of prejudice and visual habits. They reveal their secret essence to our gaze in a peculiar way. When I take these pictures, I feel like I'm picking up the treasures God has hidden in three-dimensional space, and I'm filled with gratitude. I see every beautiful scene as a gift from God. It's this constant interaction with God that makes my seemingly monotonous life full of hunting surprises everywhere, which is the background of the creation of the series of paintings titled "Conversations with God".
For a long time, I have been puzzled by the millennia-old religious conundrum of fate and free will. While creating the "Conversations with God" series, I seem to have obtained some answers to this puzzle. Perhaps the photographs given to me by God are similar to destiny, and my act of arbitrarily adding elements to these photographs represents free will. Each creation of a painting is like solving a riddle - I need to identify which parts can be altered and which parts I must accept. For the parts that can be changed, I ponder how to modify them and what to add. Thus, each painting is like a life filled with free will. Because there is room for choice, the future becomes enigmatic and filled with uncertainties, and the suspense makes it colorful and appealing. I thoroughly enjoy the desire to explore the numerous possibilities of an image. This is probably because I possess a child-like curiosity. I often miss meal times due to my eagerness to solve the mystery of the image.
I believe that most artists first have a picture in mind and then manifest it in three-dimensional space. However, in most of my works, it isn't until the image is formed that I understand what my piece truly looks like. They are a display of the exploration of possibilities, presenting the most appealing possibility to me. They are products of coincidence and randomness, results of my perception of objects in three-dimensional space.
A significant characteristic of the "Conversations with God" series is that most of the images have more or less discordance, where the style of the foreground and background do not match. Technically, this is a small issue that can be easily dealt with, but many times I am unwilling to do so. When the style of an image becomes completely unified, it always gives me the feeling that something has been lost. After a long exploration of this strange discomfort, I discovered that it is a sense of loss triggered by the loss of authenticity - the discordance in the image truly reflects the reality of all relationships in three-dimensional space: separation. My understanding of the "original sin" in the Bible is that since humans ate the forbidden fruit, the relationships between everything in three-dimensional space have changed. The relationship between people and God, people and nature, people and others, and people and themselves, have all become separated and distanced. My obsessive-compulsive disorder, which I have painfully struggled with for decades, is a classic representative of this. The external, rational me is kidnapped by the internal, emotional me, fearing something that should not be feared at all. My relationship with God is the same - I know that God is real and omnipotent, but I still cannot trust him to manage my life. Wars between humans and the destruction of nature by humans are all manifestations of this original sin. Therefore, discordance and lack of unity are the most authentic relationships between everything in our world. This is also why discordant images make me feel more real.
